Knowledge Beneath Tension
by Quadrantje
Summary: Some things are best left unsaid and some aren't. JC.


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* * *

Disclaimer: The rights to 'Star Trek: Voyager' do not belong to me. No infringement of copyright is intended._

The captain pinched the bridge of her nose, pausing her reprimand of Paris for a moment to block out the bright lights of the bridge. She had another headache, and because of the hot flashes of pain she totally failed to see the humor in Tom's latest stunt – nothing is funny if laughing or even lifting the corners of your mouth triggers another sharp jab. Finishing her scolding, she crossed the bridge to her ready room, handing the bridge over to Chakotay just before the doors closed.

She gratefully sank back into the couch and ordered the lights down. The darkness and quiet made her head feel slightly less heavy and the pounding slowed down. She knew from experience that relaxing for a little while might help. A heavy groan escaped her lips when the door chimed a mere few minutes later, triggering an especially sharp pain flash.

,,Come in." His dark silhouette was visible when the door opened, outlined against the lights of the bridge. ,,What is it, Commander?" He vanished from sight again once the door closed, swallowed by the darkness of the ready room.

,,Computer, raise illumination by 10 percent." She grunted for a second time and blocked her eyes from the sudden light. ,,Another headache, Captain?" Her glare was answer enough. ,,Computer, play music selection Chakotay kappa five." Wonderfully relaxing music started playing. It was different from what she usually listened, though with hints of classical music in it, and very soothing. He walked over to the now visible couch and sat down beside her.

,,Captain, that makes it two weeks in a row with constant headaches. Perhaps some shore leave will help; Harry just reported an M-class planet not four days from here."

,,I'm fine. It's just tension. It'll go away with a nice long bath."

,,Kathryn." He sighed and stopped at the sight of another glare. If looks could kill, a headache would have been the least of his problems. ,,All right, but at least stop by sickbay. Perhaps the Doctor can find a cure, or at least give you some painkillers."

,,I already asked him. It is just stress, so he can't treat it. And that hypospray didn't work." Chakotay deemed the battle lost and got up.

,,Permission to return to the bridge?"

,,Granted. Dismissed, Commander." He walked out and Kathryn turned the lights back down. She dropped her head to the sofa and closed her eyes again, letting the music wash over her in the hopes it would reduce her headache.

* * *

It took a bit more coaxing, some lighthearted banter and a few more days of headaches before they decided on a compromise – the captain would be on the next away team. It was an easy mission to a small, uninhabited planet that was too hot for shore leaves, but had a lot of nutritional vegetation. Together with Tom and Harry, she would collect eatable plants and some seeds for hydroponics. The atmosphere was a bit gloomy – the captain's mood had gradually taken over the whole ship – as the Delta flyer and its crew set out to gather the predicted food supplies.

* * *

The Kathryn on the way back to Voyager was in a distinctively better mood than the one that had left it. The hours on the planet had helped her relax, and although her headaches had far from ceased, the time away from her ship had done her a lot of good. That is – until they were attacked. Some kind of alien ship suddenly appeared from behind a moon and immediately started firing. It was only a small vessel – Voyager could have easily beaten it – but Voyager was a few light years away, not able to move any closer thanks to the proximity of the planet's sun, and the Delta flyer had to deal with it alone. The first shot didn't cause any major damage; it barely scraped the shields. The second shot took the shields down to 47. Kathryn, shedding the relaxed expression from only moments before and becoming every inch a Starfleet captain again, immediately took control.

,,Tom, evasive maneuvers delta six. Harry, fire at will. I'll work on the shields." Harry had barely gotten one shot in when the third blast hit, disabling the shields and causing Kathryn's panel to explode. A few more of Harry's well-placed phaser shots quickly made an end to the threat and Tom rushed over to the captain while the ship flew away with its proverbial tail between its legs.

,,ETA is ten minutes. How's the captain doing, Tom?" Tom was still scanning Janeway and didn't answer at once. His frown increased as he looked over the readings.

,,She has severe plasma burns and some internal damage. We need to get her to sickbay ASAP. Can you open a comm. link to Voyager, Harry?"

,,On it now." A few minutes later, an emergency beam-out transported the captain to sickbay.

* * *

Kathryn slowly opened her eyes to find herself in strange surroundings. She wasn't on Voyager, but on a planet, lying on the forest grounds. Although she was sure it wasn't Earth, the place also didn't seem completely unfamiliar. Something about the trees and the sounds brought back memories. But the memories were all vague and didn't quite fit together.

She slowly got up, somewhat surprised by the lack of a headache. The forest seemed more familiar now that she was standing up, but she was still struggling to place it in her mind. Moving to slap her combadge to hail Voyager, she found she was out of uniform and her combadge was missing. Instead, she was wearing an unfamiliar green dress.

,,Hello? Anybody?" There was no answer; even the wind seemed to hold its breath. Deciding her best option was to look around and find out where she was, she began to walk, not knowing what direction she was heading or if this world was even real.

She had the strangest feeling she wasn't really moving forward. The feeling steadily grew stronger, even though she quickly found a trail – made by people or animals she didn't know – which she decided to follow. The path was mostly straight forward, swerving only to avoid some of the larger trees. Kathryn felt as if time had no meaning any more. However, had she needed to say how long she'd been walking, she'd have guessed a few hours. The trees blocked any direct view of the sun, but it did grow darker after a while. She felt no hunger or thirst, nor any need to rest. And although the forest seemed close to winter, the leaves falling from their branches and desertion hanging in the air, she didn't feel cold either.

She had been walking for such length, that the clearing that seemed to come out of nowhere caught her by surprise. Even more startling was what she saw on it. The shelter from New Earth – complete with garden and bathtub – stood out against the setting sun. She called around again, even going inside the shelter and looking around there, but again got no reply. The shelter looked the same inside as it had done in reality – for she was now fairly sure this wasn't real – except for the tidiness. The furniture was unchanged, but their personal things were all over the floor. Even some chairs had fallen down. The sight reminded her of the storm that had raged one night. The one that had destroyed her equipment and put an end to her search for the cure. She took one more moment to look around and savor the memories before walking out again.

* * *

Chakotay walked into sickbay, acting calm, but the whiteness of his face and the hunted look in his eyes relayed just how worried he was.

,,Ah, Commander –"

,,How's the captain?" The EMH looked offended at being cut off so abruptly and turned towards the commander, a frown on his face. The only thing that stopped him from giving a sharp retort was Chakotay's face.

,,I've managed to heal all her damaged tissue and the captain should be alright."

,,What do you mean – should be?" The Doctor sighed.

,,She's in a coma. She could wake up now or next week, but the longer she remains comatose, the lower the chances she'll come out of it. There's nothing I can do until she does." He watched Chakotay intently for a moment, who had the feeling he was being checked for weaknesses, and then walked past the commander and entered his office, leaving Chakotay alone with the captain.

* * *

Kathryn walked out of the shelter again and stopped abruptly when she noticed the large stone right in front of the entrance. She was certain it hadn't been there before. On the large stone was a lizard, dozing in the last rays of sun.

,,My spirit guide?" She crouched down beside the stone, much like the first – and last – time she'd seen the creature. She didn't need an answer to know she'd been right. ,,Where are we?"

,,We're in your dream world." The voice seemed to come from around or within her, rather than from the small lizard.

,,Why are we here?"

,,Because you can't return until you've resolved the problem."

,,What problem?" It merely looked at her and its tongue came out to smell the surrounding air.

,,The knowledge in your heart. Until you accept it in your mind, the stress won't leave you, and you won't leave here. Now is the time to act; to explore that final frontier." Just as sudden as it had appeared, her spirit guide vanished again, but the rock remained and Kathryn sat down upon it, pondering the lizard's words.

* * *

,,Doctor to Chakotay." He was in his quarters, trying to read a book and jumped up immediately when he heard the doctor's voice over the comm. system.

,,Chakotay here."

,,Commander, please report to sickbay."

,,On my way." A sudden fear tore at his guts. He tried to tell himself that the doctor would have said so if something was wrong with Kathryn, but his heart wasn't convinced. He was out of the door within seconds and halfway down the corridor by the time it closed again. He didn't even see the few crewmen he encountered on his way nor did he wait for the doctor to turn around when he arrived in sickbay before firing questions at him.

,,How's the captain? Is she going to be alright?"

,,She has just woken up and –"

,,I'm fine. There's no need to worry about me. Now if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have some work to do." The captain climbed off the biobed and attempted to exit sickbay, but was stopped by the doctor.

,,Captain, you just came out of a coma. Please lay back down so I can finish my scans." Kathryn rolled her eyes, but didn't protest. The doctor continued to scan her for a few minutes before she got impatient.

,,Doctor, do you mind hurrying up, so I can return to my quarters?" The doctor didn't even look up from his tricorder while answering her.

,,I'm sorry, captain, but you'll have to remain here overnight so I can continue monitoring your condition. Your vitals are normal at the moment and I can't find anything unusual. If this doesn't change by morning, I'll release you to your quarters. You'll be able to return to active duty in a week."

,,A week?! My ship needs –"

,,Your ship needs you to take it easy and give yourself time to heal. Don't worry I'll take good care of Voyager." Her First Officer's words cut hers off and his dimpled smile stopped any further protests. She did have some things to work out and a few days without work would be a welcome change, especially after the weeks of headaches and practically sleepless nights she'd had. And hopefully those would be over soon. Besides, she could always argue later and be back on the bridge a few days early. With a glare at Chakotay, she settled more comfortably on the biobed and allowed the doctor to fuss a bit more over her. Chakotay, not at all phased by her glare, stayed a while longer, finally driven out of sickbay by a 'the captain needs her sleep' comment from the doctor. The EMH went to his office to look over some more readings and Kathryn was left contemplating her 'vision quest', and how best to tell Chakotay that the time had finally come for them to explore some 'frontiers'.

* * *

The next day started as expected. The doctor released Kathryn from sickbay, with strict orders to rest for the next few days, watch her nutrition and 'indulge in some relaxing pastime activities'. He didn't really expect her to do as he said; she never did. Kathryn, however, had every intention of following his advice, well, two out of three anyway.

Chakotay escorted her back to her quarters and as usual in occasions like this, she asked him in for breakfast. He was not at all surprised when she went to her bedroom to change – she was still wearing the uniform from the accident – and left it to him to take care of breakfast. He was just getting their beverages when he heard her coming back. As he turned around to face her, he was a little astonished to see her out of uniform – she rarely discarded it, even in her off hours – and absolutely stunned when he recognized it. She was wearing a blue dress – the same blue dress she'd wore on New Earth. She gave him a radiant smile that took his breath away before turning her eyes to the table.

,,Glad to see you didn't forget the coffee." Her remark pulled him back out of his reverie and he mentally shook himself.

,,I'm not stupid enough to deprive this captain of her coffee when she just came out of sickbay. You know what they say about wounded animals." Her face broke into a smile at his retort and for the second time in as many minutes, he felt himself fall captive to its brilliance. She noticed and he could swear he saw her eyes sparkle mischievously for a split second. He quickly changed the subject, bringing their attentions back to breakfast, and they spent the next hour eating and talking. Her behavior surprised him; she seemed more open than usual, and to really enjoy their usual flirting, not backing away at times when she normally would have. After breakfast, they moved to the couch to drink another coffee – or tea in Chakotay's case – so he could brief her on the ship's status. He had a late shift, so when he'd finished his report on Voyager's condition to the Captain's satisfaction, he offered to get them another drink. She agreed and he walked over to the replicator. Coming back, he found her staring off into space, so he just put down her coffee and sat back next to her. A few minutes passed in a friendly silence until Kathryn looked up again, gazing at him, her face thoughtful. The doubt he saw in her eyes, and the unusual flicker of fear worried him a bit, but it vanished again quickly to be replaced by a solid determination and she spoke before he had a chance to ask.

,,Chakotay, yesterday you told me you'd take good care of my ship. You know I trust you with her. I want you to know that I also trust you with my heart." She looked up at him, hope shining through this time, but he was incapable of speech. Thinking of what her statement could mean – because he was fairly sure it didn't mean what he hoped it did – he couldn't think of a reply, much less find the words to form it. She noticed the doubt in his eyes, correctly interpreting them as uncertainty as to what she'd meant. Her eyes softened and her hand moved almost of its own accord to trace the lines of his tattoo.

,,I love you, Chakotay." The words rolled easily off her lips and she wondered how she'd ever kept them hidden from herself, and from him. She could see the doubt in his eyes melt away, like snow in front of the sun, to be replaced by surprise, joy and finally a love so deep it warmed her whole to the core. He didn't have to answer; she could see the truth radiating from him. With a sudden quick movement, he pulled her to him, enveloping her in a bone-crushing hug. Her heart was soaring, released from the irons that had kept it silent for years. Neither of them knew who initiated it, but the next thing she knew they were kissing, tongues moving together in an almost frantic exploration, until lack of oxygen made them pull apart. Foreheads resting against each other, her arms around his neck and his around her waist, their eyes locked and their chests heaving.

,,I love you too, Kathryn."

,,I know." Their second kiss was gentle, revealing the connecting that had been made years before. When it ended, she pulled away, sending him a wicked smile to answer his questioning look, and tapped her combadge.

,,Janeway to bridge."

,,Bridge here, captain." Tom's voice answered over the comm.

,,Mr. Paris, please inform lieutenant Tuvok that commander Chakotay will be otherwise occupied today and won't be available unless there's a red alert."

,,Yes, ma'am." Kathryn smiled at Tom's obvious surprise and closed the comm. link before he could say anything else.

,,You do know there'll be rumors now, don't you Kathryn?" Her grin grew ever wider.

,,I'm counting on it." And with that she pulled his head back down to hers, continuing their 'relaxing pastime activity'.

_**Fine**_


End file.
